There's been constant talk lately about Baltimore Ravens Ray Rice, Carolina Panthers Greg Hardy, and the NFL's inconsistencies with regards to their knowledge about both situations, and their handling of other similar situations are coming up in posts and comments.
Domestic Abuse is a very serious issue and comes in various ways; be it verbal, emotional, mental, sexual, and physical. All have and leave severe effects on the abused.
*One in every four women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime.
*Women are more likely to be killed by their intimate partner than men.
*Every year, one in three women who is a victim of homiced is killed by a significant other.
*Women experience more than 4 million physical assaults and rapes because of their partners or someone they know.
The Ray Rice issue put Greg Hardy's issue in the spot light, and now Arizona Cardinal's Jonathon Dwyer is in the hot seat. The NFL's inconsistencies, lack of public disclosure and seemingly inadequate investigations, processes and procedures have the public questioning not just the NFL's processes but their level of integrity. Who is the NFL protecting?
Once I actually viewed the Rice video, which for a long time, I couldn't bear to see...as a woman, I was appalled and disgusted. I was even more disturbed when I saw Mrs. Rice's comment the next day. Some people felt I was passing judgement when I posted my intial opinion after viewing the video on my Facebook page...
"So Ray Rice lost his job...good! But his then fiancée, now wife needs some self-esteem, self-respect, and needs to learn self-love. It baffles me how society is quick to jump on a man but not hold the woman accountable for her part.
Fellas: There's never an excuse to hit a woman, if she pushes you to that level, she's a liability, NOT an asset.
Ladies: If a man abuses you, mentally, physically or emotionally, he has no respect for you; so do yourself a favor and bounce. There's no amount of money in the world for you to ALLOW a man to disrespect you... have some self-respect and dignity. A destructive, toxic relationship IS NOT LOVE. There's no way I'd have married him. The love of money is a shadow for fools."
Fellas: There's never an excuse to hit a woman, if she pushes you to that level, she's a liability, NOT an asset.
Ladies: If a man abuses you, mentally, physically or emotionally, he has no respect for you; so do yourself a favor and bounce. There's no amount of money in the world for you to ALLOW a man to disrespect you... have some self-respect and dignity. A destructive, toxic relationship IS NOT LOVE. There's no way I'd have married him. The love of money is a shadow for fools."
The list of excuses I read in the comments on my post as well as other posts, were sad. We live in a society that makes excuses for everything and everyone, and medicates everyone for everything. The issue here is that there are women looking at this situation and thinking this is acceptable.
If Janay Rice is okay with being belittled and treated like crap, that's her prerogative, but we need to stop making excuses for people's behaviors.
Honestly, if she's okay with it, I'm okay with it. She's right, it's her life, and however she decides to process the lack of respect and value her significant other has for her and she has for herself, is her right.
If the NFL and the Ravens saw the Rice video and allowed Rice to play, then the NFL has continuously shown us that they will stand by their athletes for the love of the almighty dollar. Now a 911 call has surfaced about Hardy. Pittsburg Steelers Ben Roethlisberger has been accused of rape several times and all the NFL has done was suspend him... It makes you wonder if women are worth anything more in the NFL macho male club other than being sideline watch pieces during timeouts?!
Now I will be honest here...I know a lot of women. Some of you, are cool, it takes a lot to bring a level of emotion or bring you to a point where you may check a man with regards to his behavior, and some men will push the envelope, I get it. But, some of you are flat out crazy! No excuses. I have seen women that I know personally, slap men that they weren't even in a relationship with, curse them out, and disrespect them in public.
That being said, I can see how some chicks can cause someone to lose control...not every man was raised right, not every woman was either, and some folks will not hold themselves accountable for their own actions and practice self control. That being said, this is not domestic violence, this behavior is of a dysfunctional person/relationship, and therefore I'm terming this.."dysfunctional violence." No my dears, that's NOT love. Stop the dysfunctional excuses for your dysfunctional behavior.
Please understand, I am completely against a man putting his hands on a woman UNLESS she's coming at him with a weapon, then you have every right to protect yourself. The same is applied to women, there's no reason to get violent or hit a man, period, unless he is hitting you. Respect goes both ways. But seeing some of these crazy chicks in action, I think they get off pushing a guy's buttons, thinking he won't touch them... this is not domestic violence to ME..it's just needy chicks asking for attention.
The sad part of this, is though some women are crazy and will provoke a man and even make stories up when they're not getting the attention they want, there are a lot of women out there that are NOT provoking a man, not even touching the man, but are verbally, emotionally, mentally and physically beat down on a daily basis- that is Domestic Violence. Those are the women I'm afraid for, care about, and that we need to pray for and be concerned about.
They will see and hear Mrs. Rice's stance on her situation and feel that they too should stand by these monsters. They would see nothing wrong with staying in these disturbing, painful relationships and raising their kids in destructive environments.
Ladies, keep your hands to yourself. If a man is being disrespectful or acting crazy in the beginning, he's only going to get worse as time passes and he starts to feel more comfortable with you. Fellas, same goes for you. If she's pushing to that point, leave her alone.
We feel vibes, get signs and see red flags all the time, but we tend to ignore them, make excuses for them, or think the person will change, or better yet, that we can change that person. If you see the flags understand what you're dealing with, talk to the person about how the flags are affecting you. If the person continues, that's called a pattern, and patterns don't change, unless the person makes the effort, most times they don't change. Quit keeping hope alive and let them go.
Women, justifying putting your hands on a man that is not physically hurting you, doesn't make you a woman, and most definitely not a lady, that's little girl behavior.
Men, justifying your actions and putting your hands on a woman who is not trying to hurt you physically doesn't make you a man, it makes you a boy. Definitely not gentleman behavior. Pay attention to patterns and behaviors- people will tell you who they are, stop making excuses for them.
To quote the late Dr. Maya Angelo, "If a person shows you who they are, believe them, the first time."
Real love is not dysfunctional, it doesn't belittle, disrespect, or hurt...period.
October is Cancer Awareness Month (Pink), as well as Domestic Violence Month (Purple). Please support these great causes.
For statistics and information on Domestic Violence please visit the following sites:
and remember...Silence Hides Violence.
Peace, Love & Light,
~A2
